For parenting a toddler is like a comedy of errors and a paradox where the good and the bad live coupled together. One moment you experience terrestrial highs of joy and gratification while other brings with them depressive lows that make you wonder if you would even be able to make through the day.’
But since every dark cloud has a silver lining, you can count on these experiences to teach you an important life lesson and though you may wish to forget the tortures you are going through right now, you would always remember the lessons they taught you. Here are 15 most common parenting tortures every parents goes through and the lessons they learn through them:
1. Time Management :
The most common way kids torture parents is by taking up all their time(including sleeping hours).You only get one happy hour each day during her afternoon nap but that’s enough. With the super powers of a magical Jeanie, you manage to complete all your pending days work, house hold chores, reply to emails, phone calls not to mention take a shower in those 60 minutes making it the most productive 60 minutes of your day.
2. Creativity works better than intelligence:
You put off all the lights, put on the expensive rotating musical projector and lay dead barely breathing scared not to make a noise but nothing seems to put her to sleep. Finally you sing the silliest parody taking names of all the animals you read in her animal book and lo she is fast asleep.When intelligence and wisdom fails, creativity works.
3. Beauty in Simplicity:
After spending the last 40 minutes matching her pink sandals to the cream sweater and checkered hairband you realize if you don’t leave the house now, you would never make it. You take one look at the mirror and the image that reflects back resembles that of a poor tortured nanny of your little princesses (which is not very far from the truth). You shrug your shoulders and mentally remind yourself, makeup is all fake, real beauty is in simplicity and dash out.
4. Keep calm and stay cool, cool as a cucumber:
You make blueberry pancakes, creamy pasta and heavenly veggie soup and serve all three one by one hoping her palette would fancy atleast one but while you wait like a waitress beside the table she mixes all three and then drops the bowl on the floor. You take a final look at your full days hard work lying on the ground and move on to offer her chips , coke and cookies.Nothing bothers you now, you are a parent.
5. Never give up:
She turns her head away and refuses to even acknowledge your attempts to teach her the alphabets as she twitches nonchalantly on her favorite bunny’s ears. Even after all your cajoling, bribes and threats you still fail to get her attention. But that doesn’t mean you give up, you pat your own back for a good attempt and prepare to repeat the same act tomorrow all over again.
6. Resource management :
She spills the pasta sauce you had so diligently prepared and accidentally sprinkles pepper over the cheesecake pudding batter ruining your preparations for tonight’s dinner.You are tempted to get mad but remind yourself that you still need food for guests tonight. You take out the frozen Pizzas from the freezer and change the dinner theme and to pizza, fries, popcorn and coke and everything else you could find in the food closet. Flexibility, oh that’s new on the menu!
7. Variety is the spice of life:
When she turns down the pasta spoon you have been holding in front of her mouth (for like a million years) for the nth time, you rush to the kitchen and get some fruit yogurt instead.If she still looks away, you smile and bring out with vengeance your trump card, her favorite fruit puree .Aha finally, after a 1000 prayers gates to ‘mouthdom’ open… You know now that variety is the best ketchup that makes boring dishes interesting!
8. All good things take time:
You do understand the battle is not won yet, you have to keep that precious bite from being thrown out in (projectile motion) back at either her clothes, the carpet or yours. So you engage her in mundane conversations, make weird sounds trying to imitate all possible animals and birds you know and continue the wait till the bite has been chewed and the mouth empty again. Hurray! That’s one bite down.
9. Patience, patience and more of it:
But that’s just on normal days where you keep two hours for one meal, on days when you need to rush out, you plead and beg her to be quick and even promise her favorite chocolate bar but instead of taking the bribe, she decides to make a fixed deposit of the bite in her mouth as you look at the watch and wait at your nerves end for this meal to end.
10. The grown up thing:
Pee, Puke, poo you are scared of neither now, nor do you find it nauseating. In fact you can discuss the topic in detail describing different colors and smells associated with different symptoms and no you don’t find it preposterous to be discussing this on a lunch out with friends. Its a grown up thing you know!
11. Exercise is healthy and weight training even better:
Its a great day, you decide to explore the newly opened shopping mall and don your best dress and matching high heels. You arrive at the mall and are just starting with the first shop when your little one suddenly becomes inconsolable and needs you to carry him to keep calm.You curse your decision of wearing the high heels and trot along painfully, loosing your interest and energy to shop anymore.As you carry her for a good one hour before finally reaching home, you crash on your bed trying to cheer yourself up with the thought that it was good exercise and you anyways needed such a workout after missing last two sessions at the gym.
12. The best way to detox your body is to fast:
You run a mini marathon in the house running after her to finish her dinner and wait patiently silencing your growling stomach as you sing lullaby’s to put her to sleep. Just when you think she is fast asleep, she opens her eyes and asks you to repeat the story you had already narrated thrice. You fall asleep midway and next morning convince yourself that a little fasting is great for losing weight.
13. Boasting is no good especially if its about things you have no control over:
She drives you crazy singing her rhymes and reciting alphabets but finally when you ask her to recite a poem infront of the guests that have come over for dinner, she draws a complete blank face making you look like the biggest liar in the world for all the tales of her fancy babbling you have been sharing with them all these days.
14. Panic , what’s that?
You open the bathroom door after taking a shower and the room and the rest of the house looks like it has just gone through a police raid, all the cupboards are open, drawers out, books on the floor and freshly cleaned and ironed clothes mingling with the yogurt and smoothie mix. You evaluate the damage (and the time it will take to rectify it) and move on to dry your hair. So much so for panic attacks.
15. Everything that goes, comes back:
She roll over on the floor in front of the candy shop and refuses to get up.Remember the time when you raised your eyebrows on the other ‘incapable parents’ who couldn’t manage their kids and failed to have taught them any manners. Well, no lesson in that, it’s just the cycle of karma getting back at you!