Statutory warning: All comparisons living or dead are entirely a work of the author’s over futile imagination and all resemblances to any Bollywood character is NO co-incidence.
1. Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar:
While you do dream of scantily dressed Pooja bedi with her long legs and skimpy skirts( seriously which school allows such uniforms?), please be aware and know that it is your simple plain Jane girl next door best friend aka old time buddy who would steal food from her house to feed you when you get thrown out from your own, count your time and assist in your cycling practice and make you energy drinks and sweet lime before the next big race.
Lesson : Never take your best friends for granted.
If only Seema would have told her sister Priya the name of this not-seen-by-anybody-else-but-her boyfriend she was seeing in college , Priya aka Kajol wouldn’t have to spend the rest 150 minutes of the movie to realize that the guy she was dating is her sister’s boyfriend cum murderer she has been looking for all through.
Lesson : Always keep some people in your life who know your secrets (all of them!) . It’s the best if these people are your family members, especially brothers, sisters or cousins.
3. Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na:
If only Shahrukh would have accepted Suchitra’s love for Deepak Tijori in the first half of the movie instead of lying, cheating and making silly attempts at tricking the couple over and over again to create confusions and misunderstandings between them, he could have met Juhi much earlier(and not in the last one minute at the tad end of the movie) and would have had more time to romance with her.
Lesson : There are a lot of chicks around, please don’t go mad running after one. Respect other people’s feelings and don’t shove yours on them either.
If the girl has been showing clear signs of not being interested, it is time to explore new horizons. Move on Dude!
4. Qayamat se qayamat tak:
This fresh, innocent romance stole our hearts and emptied our tissue boxes while we cried our hearts out in the theater and prayed for the couple to be together at last.
But in retrospect it is evident that the couple could have actually had a happy ending if only their families had been more understanding and if they had felt confident enough to share their true feelings with their loved ones.
Lesson for the parents : Be a good parent, encourage and foster an environment where your kids can come up to you and share their problems and little secrets without any fear and do not have to take drastic steps like running away from home.
5. Maine pyar kiya:
While the mango people are busy running from morning till night to earn a days meal , this lucky born-with-a-silver-spoon lad decides to give up all this father’s riches to go after the love of his life (in a small village).
And finally settles for breaking stones at a coal mine in life threatening situations to earn a few thousand bucks to give to the girls father.
Lesson : Please don’t be such a pig-head and egoist especially with your own family members and when your mother sends you money and laddoos through your buddy accept it, give it to the girl’s father and win her hand. Period.
No need to get into the living in slums and breaking stones drama. You want the girl,self respect can wait!
6. Dil Se:
No prizes for guessing this one. the message was loud and clear here…Never ever whatever may happen and whatever be the circumstances and no matter how hot the girl……..NEVER fall for a Terrorist especially the kind who are self bombers.
Note : Mission Kashmir taught us a similar lesson so there we have another example to believe the fatal effects of falling in love with a terrorist.
7. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge:
If the girl you love is ready to elope with you and insists that the only way to be together is to run away then by -all-means go with her decision.
She knows her family better than you do. Put a strong hard-to-take-out adhesive on the mouth of your consciousness or any other sense that stops you from doing so and just do it.
Lesson : Trying to please the family members and relatives is a tedious process with no kind returns since eventually when they find out you are not the goody-two-shoes-friendly helpful boy they had been believing you to be, they would just turn against you and pretend to not even know you and you will get beaten up at the railway station by the girls’s macho fiance and his bully friends.
Also, please never harass a shop keeper into letting you shop for alcohol after closing hours at night. You never know, he could be your Father-in-law one day.
8. Kuch Kuch Hota hai :
Now this romantic classic had many lessons to teach but the most important (primarily because it was the most over -looked) was the lesson that could have helped Anjali turn her best friend into her boy friend (with the speed of a 2-minute maggi) and she could have completely done away with “Tujhe yaad na meri”.
All she needed was to be a bit quicker to get into her make over mode and look the way she did in the second half.
Lesson : When in love ,don’t expect things to happen on their own (like everything else in life).
If you feel your love being snatched away, get into action, plan to beat the competition at their own game ……work for it, don’t wait (for the second half) to get your loved one’s attention.
In short to achieve your love , you need to act fast, take quick decisions and go for fast make overs.
So much confusion and tears and missed expectations just because of a shy poet who wouldn’t reveal his true identity.
Lesson : If you are a good (and bachelorly eligible ) writer, please write with your real name and not a ghost name. You wouldn’t want to miss out the on the heartthrob of the nation and the current Mrs Nene just because of a name confusion.
10. Dil hai ki manta nahi:
Running away from home is always a bad idea especially when the one you are running after is not even aware of your plan.
Which leads us to the next lesson that research is an integral pre-requisite of falling in love. Only if Pooja bhatt had done her homework before falling for the weirdo and hurting daddy dearest.
A little research about the Mr. Popular and she had known better than to run after the A**hole.
Lesson : Do your research and home work proper before deciding to elope. Carry lots of cash, book tickets in advance, make hotel reservations to avoid hassles like taking rides from perverted truck drivers .
11. Aashiqui :
All was going well for Rahul and Anu what with the two of them getting into good jobs as singer and model respectively until for some mis-comminucation which makes Rahul believe that it was Anu who helped got his big break.
And this is where we need to pick up our pens and note, there is nothing wrong with a girl helping a guy with his job or promotion.
Lesson : Time to come down from your high ego horses guys, you should feel lucky to have a girl who supports you in your career and not dump her for that (only to realize later what an idiot you had been).
12. Chandni :
There are better ways to impress your girl then by jumping from helicopters while showering her with 1000 kgs red rose petals (that too when she has already accepted your proposal) and all this without safety measures.
Lesson : When they say “Fall in love, they don’t mean it literally! Your safety is in your own hands, Play safe!
13. Heena :
No other Indian movie explains the need to value time and always plan ahead and keep some extra time for your appointments.
If only Rishi kapoor had kept some extra time for the bad weather , he wouldn’t have gotten late for his own engagement and could have been saved the horrors of fatal car accident, falling from deep cliff, being floated away to neighboring enemy nation( without a visa or passport) and not to mention losing his memory.
Lesson : Always plan ahead and show up for your engagement on time.
14. Raju Ban gaya gentleman :
Ok, so you are career minded and have high ambitions so much so that you just can’t wait to have the world under your feet.
On top of that you also turn a deaf ear to the warnings of your lovely girlfriend and ignore the advise of your loved ones. Tch Tch , didn’t anyone tell you before……… there are no short-cuts to success and the ones that are there will only take you straight down.
Lesson : Don’t ignore your loved ones on your way to success, value them , listen to their advise and yes be patient!
15. Kareeb :
Now this one is for the boys , especially for the boys! Girls hate to be lied to. They just hate it!
Even if you have the face of a wagging dobermann (no offense to the dobermann species)….’DO NOT’, I repeat do not succumb to lying to win the girl of your heart.
Lesson : Try speaking the truth and you still have a chance (girls are sticklers for honest guys) and she just might decide to ignore your unflattering looks for the rest of your life but lying and getting caught…. that’s suicide!
16 Hum apke hain kaun:
Now this is for the family members of both the shy girl and the charming boy couple.
If you see the two singing, dancing holding hands and arm in arm in nine out of ten family functions and finding excuses to bump and fall over each other , you might have a reason to believe that they kinda like each other.
Please don’t play dumb and wait for the savior dog to reveal the couple’s true feelings to the world after buckets of tears have already been filled and spilled.
Lesson : If you are one of those parents who still think your 25 year old is still too young to buy his own clothes(not to mention under-garments) let alone select a partner for himself, time to wake up…..wakey wakey!
Please stop treating your children like over sized toddlers and help unite the young love and not tangle their lives with complicated relationship decisions.
17. Dil to paagal hai :
You have this gorgeous friend who accompanies you for boring shopping sprees, makes a complete fool of himself to make you laugh and bears all your tantrums.
Well what exactly are you waiting for then (the other girl to come and mess it all up for you of course!).
Tell him what you feel, confess your love…..don’t keep your feelings locked up in godrej lockers when it comes to matters of the heart.
Lesson : If you know he/she is the one, don’t waste time, just say it!
18. Pardes :
When asked to find a suitable girl for the son of your dad cum boss cum life owner , just politely say NO ! Avoid such jobs full of hassles and complications and take up easy ones like running the business and increasing sales.
Lesson : Try not to act Cupid in other people’s lives. You never know when you would end up as the victim of the lethal arrow yourself.
19. Yes Boss:
Just as we mentioned in the above point, that it is a bad idea to act cupid for your boss’s son , it is equally a worse idea to help your boss in handling his girlfriends when he runs out of time and wife’s money.
And if the Boss still insists, maybe it’s time to hit the job market and find yourself another steady, safer, less adventurous job.
20. Jab Pyar kisi se hota hai:
So you are the play boy of the season and go around flaunting your charms like a coveted Olympics trophy.
But aren’t you over-doing it a little too much if a boy appears out of now where, claims to be your son and you just can’t remember and place who the hell his mother could be? Following Vicky donor by any chance…anyway!
Lesson : Always keep track of your little….ummmm…..adventures to escape such embarrassing , life threatening and relation breaking situations in life where you can’t place the mother of your own child.