It had been over two days since the cold war between me and my husband was ensuing but neither the warriors was ready to give up. The fact that neither of us remembered too well what exactly we were fighting about in the first place seemed too dwarf a proposition against the more important task of catering to our mammoth egos.
This article first appeared on Mamalode.com.
So it was decided, I had to maintain silence no matter how irritating, boring and inconvenient it be. It can get far more than troublesome to the extent of being absurd to continue with the no-talk strategy especially if you have a house-hold and a 1 year old to take care of, all by yourself.
I had settled a lot many fights before this and been the first to break the ice at many occasions but this time I wasn’t willing to surrender. He had to speak first this time, I had made up my mind.
Just then to add to my woes and dilemma , I got a message on my phone from the family clinic to remind us that we both had to take Amy our one year old for her six monthly doctor check-up the day after.
I stood up with a jerk as soon as I saw the message to walk up to the study room (where he had been sulking for the last 2 hours but pretended to be deeply engrossed in reading ) and remind him about the appointment .
Just then I remembered about our still-active cold war and stopped short in my steps. There goes my chance of winning this one and all the patience I had maintained for the last two days. I cant give up now, I am on the edge of winning this time(which could have been my first time!).
I sat back on the couch confused and annoyed on why couldn’t he just let me win this time and be the first to speak up. I didn’t remember the reason for our fight but I sure was furious on him for continuing the fight this long.
Just then by a stroke of brilliance, I figured out my next move. I would just forward the message to him. There…I wouldn’t have to talk(and lose!) and I still could remind him. I forwarded the message and waited a good 15 minutes. No response…I checked the message status….it showed sent.
Angrily I send another one..”I am waiting for your confirmation”…still no response. By now I was mad. I stomped to the study room and shouted from outside, “Can’t you even say yes, I received your message.” To my surprise, I still didn’t get a response.
This is it, he is really going to have it this time….i muttered under my breathe and swung the door wide open only to see him deep in sleep with his headset in his ears connected to the Ipod , snoring a little with his mouth slightly open because of his slouched. His phone lay on the study table.
I felt a big back cloud of guilt hanging over my head for jumping to the wrong conclusions and assuming that he was being egoistic and as I stepped back to close the door quietly for fear of waking him up,my focus shifted on the adjacent door of Amy’s bedroom that I had left slightly open so that she doesn’t get scared if she gets up from her nap. Something seemed odd in her room.
As I peeped my head in, I saw Amy sitting on the bed awake, wide-eyed but quiet. It was an unusual sight because she had the habit of crying loudly if she didn’t found anyone around when she woke up. But not today, today she was quiet and as I walked inside the room and sat on the bed next to her, she hurriedly crawled towards me and cuddled up.
She hugged me tight and wouldn’t let go. It then occurred to me…. the reason for her sudden quietness. She had gotten up from the loud sound of my yelling and was now scared. She had never heard anyone shout that loud before, neither of us had ever even spoken in high voice in-front of her.
I hugged her tight and muttered sorry in her ear hidden under her Hello kitty cap, but she kept on sobbing for long. My throat went dry and I felt a tear leave from the corner of my eye as I swallowed hard on mixed feelings of guilt and sadness for frightening my little angel.
Though I held Amy in my arms, at that moment I felt very small in front of her. That day I realized, before I endeavour to even think about bringing up Amy, I needed to get my own act straight and grow up myself , I needed to get down from the high horse of being a great parent and to first just attempt to be a good person ….as good as I could be.
I am not sure if she heard me but I whispered in her ear as I put her back to sleep….Never again, I promise never!